St. David's Youth Retreat 2010

On Friday evening I arrived in Long Beach Airport from an incredible week at St. David's Anglican Summer Youth Retreat.  The word "incredible" is used very intentionally, because that's exactly what it was.  I have been working with the program there for five years, and after this most recent week I can honestly say I've never been so thrilled by how everything came together.

A few of the students have been attending the retreat as long as I have, and the relationships I have had the opportunity to form form have deepened greatly over the years.  Yet all of the "returner" students are so loving that the noobies find themselves immediately welcome and included.  The joy is contagious; infecting.

Between games of capture the flag, ultimate frisbee, charades, Bible skits and some serious belly laughs, the students also learned quite a bit. The lessons developed by the good Deacon Faith (Chico), Father Davis (Washington) and Father Mautner (Napa) were easy to access, insightful, and relevant.

Instead of only celebrating Mass in the morning, we also had Mass in the evening a couple times.  The area where we set up the altar is literally in the middle of the woods, surrounded on all sides by pine trees and accompanied by a symphony of woodland life.  It was beautiful to be out there at dusk taking part in the Eucharist, and on the final morning it even sprinkled a bit.  The serenity of it made all the mosquito bites well worth it.

In some ways putting the experience of the Retreat into words potentially cheapens it, but I can't help trying.  Quite simply, the Lord answered our prayers by blowing our expectations out of the water.  Not only did everyone arrive safely (whew!) but the group gelled together immediately.  By the end of the second night, everyone felt comfortable with one another, and I was impressed by the level of attentiveness throughout the lessons as well as the abundant energy and sportsmanship during the games.  Even the youngest of attendees had thoughtful questions of all sorts that came up at breakfast and in the cabins.

The lesson theme was "Back to Basics" as we explored the way Christ's sacrifice makes sense when we look back at the traditions of the Hebrew sacrifices to cover sin, as well as the ways in which the Mass brings us to the table of Christ.  We also had a chance to explore how the Christian life looks today, as well as how we can make good decisions in the midst of the intense  pressure we feel on a daily basis from multiple (usually conflicting) sources.

By the last night, it was clear no one wanted to go home.  The Retreat is indeed a special place; free of the worries and stress of daily life, and this year the group experienced what it is like to live in a loving community the way God intends for his people.

I could tell dozens of specific stories, but for the sake of this blog length I have chosen only two.

The first is about a girl who came to the Retreat last year for the first time, sponsored entirely by her local parish.  She told me that upon her arrival last year, she didn't know what to make out of all the silly, weird, fun loving folks she had met.  This year, however, she learned to embrace her own goofiness and shared that the Retreat was the one place where she honestly felt she could be herself; it was a place free of the influence she receives from her friends to be a certain way.  Her spirits lifted by the promise of Christ and the fellowship of friends who love her the way she is, I was able to watch as her tender heart and quick laughter became a blessing and joy to all around her.

The next story is from a young man who was at the Retreat for the first time.  He attends a private Christian school and explained that his teachers are constantly telling him about God and referring to God, but the past week was the first time he felt like he really understood who God is and how salvation through Christ works.  (Yeah, since I had a similar experience to this when I was younger I totally cried when he started talking about that.)

As we parted ways, the students left encouraged and empowered, as did the staff.  Weeks like that are truly the memories on which our lives become shaped and our hearts grow, and I'm so grateful to be a part of it.

Once again, I'll be counting down until next summer.  In the meantime and if you are interested, Brenton and I have set up a youtube account where you can catch some of the highlights!  (The skits are especially fun, once they all get uploaded...)

Yoda, and the Lie of Black & White Choices

Recently a small group of friends have been gathering to watch the original Star Wars because one of my poor, neglected, abused paddle teammates had never seen them. 

Monday night we watched The Empire Strikes Back, which is my favorite, and it was delightful.  The highlights had to be when the above mentioned teammate gasped with a horror filled “No waaaaay!” during the big paternal reveal.  (I am still kicking myself for not having the camera rolling for her reactions.)  In some ways it’s like watching it for the first time with her, relishing the action sequences, character quirks and C3PO humor with a fresh slate.  DELIGHTFUL!

While watching, I was unexpectedly struck by something Yoda says to Luke regarding discernment between the light and dark sides of the Force.  Luke inquires as to how he will be able to tell the difference between the two when confronted, and the ancient Jedi master replies, “You will know - when you are calm; at peace.  Passive.”

This got my little brain hamster running.  Yoda is wise indeed!

How often do people make decisions based on their current strongest emotion?  When I’m angry or irritated, the cruelest response often becomes instantaneously the most appealing.  However, when you take a deep breath, consider your options and all the possible consequences, or even simply wait it out for a while, it’s amazing how drastically inclinations may change, and the “right” option reveals itself.

Yoda goes on to say that the dark side of the Force is not stronger, but “quicker, easier … more seductive.”

Again, in many respects this makes complete sense.  Sometimes in the ho-hum daily routine of life, I forget how effortlessly I can be “seduced” into saying something nasty behind someone’s back; justify all my passive aggressive behavior, or my tendency to be selfish and lazy with my free time.

“The dark side are they!”

On the other hand, Yoda’s wisdom is in many ways far too simplistic for reality.  (As in, all those times when you’re not fighting evil incarnate ala The Empire.)  Often, good and bad (or light and dark) terms become muddled and unhelpful, despite the fact that politicians folks love to throw those labels around.  Instead, things blend together into a complex network of hypothetical scenarios and reactions.  Pull one string and a million others may tighten, while others come unraveled. 

Too often, there is simply no “right” or “wrong” way to go – there are just choices, and other choices.

Making Good Decisions

So what is one to do when there are no “right” or “wrong” options?  Meditation and prayer can’t always determine (though they can certainly help) if you should take or quit this or that job, invest in what stock, settle down in what town, etc. – yet in the end, a decision must be made.  Even refusing to make a choice becomes a decision eventually.

Growing up, I thought that there were good choices and there were bad choices, and for the most part it would be quite simple to tell the difference between the two.  I strove to continually seek God’s “perfect will for my life,” which (in my mind) was one “right” path at any given time, which (shocker) was an incredibly stressful way of thinking when making decisions.  It made potentially choosing the “wrong” thing overwhelming.  What if I get off the correct path and deviate into the pagan backwoods? What if God sent me a sign explicitly telling me what to do and I totally missed it?

I eventually came to realize that in some instances there simply are no “right” or “wrong” choices.  (There are also sadly no guaranteed methods of making good decisions.)  Some folks make pro/con lists, others eat ice cream, some consult friends, others read tea leaves.

For a personal example, I’ll use my decision to marry Chris (since it’s a biggie); a choice I could not make in a vacuum or a science lab.  In that case, a pros/cons list seemed … inappropriate.  Words of wisdom from friends and family were helpful, but in the end it simply came down to a decision that I could fully own.

Really, it was a united peace with my gut, heart, and mind.  It made sense logically and fit comfortably with all the needed factors to ease me into the territory of a confident answer to his proposal.

Choosing one path inevitably closes off others, and you can rarely fully predict the outcome of any given decision.  Whatever the tactic, I think the key is often simply being honest about what you want, value, need, can realistically do, and can realistically live with. 

“When you cannot make up your mind which of two evenly balanced courses of action you should take - choose the bolder.” 

- William Joseph Slim

Almost three years later, I know I made an excellent choice in marriage.  Notice that I didn’t say I made the “right” choice.  After all, if I had bolted for the hills that would have certainly been different, but not wrong.  What that life would look like now, I am at least content to say I will never know.

Anyway, I think taking the time to make decisions with confidence makes it possible to live without regrets.  It also reminds us wee mortals to rest in the assurance that God is God, and ultimately in control.

I may not be able to use the Force all the time, but by golly I'll use anything I can to help navigate me through this crazy, crazy world of ours.

Thanks, Yoda.

The Computer Science Master!

As many of you probably already know, my beloved husband is officially done with his Masters program of Computer Science at UCSB.  It has been a long three year haul, especially since he continued to work full time through the entire thing. 

Look, even the Big Bang Theory cast are happy for him!  (Shhhh I had a slow morning.)

I am thrilled that he will no longer have the cloud of responsibility, obligation, and stress hanging over his head.  Gone are the days of old when we were barred from hosting Game Nights; no longer shall our Netflix go unwatched for weeks on end!

I still feel a little bad that all I could do to help out was feed him, but I suppose that's a biggie when you consider most people do that a couple times every day.

To celebrate, Chris is getting lasik surgery on his eyes on Friday.  Not only is he over school, he's tired of wearing glasses.  I think he has more than earned the reward.

Chris, I'm so proud of you for sticking with it even when you didn't want to, for letting me nag you into taking a break every once in a while, and for being caring, loving, patient and generous through it all.

Paddle Racing Update & Recap

I have failed utterly in my attempt to gather footage of my last two paddle races, so once again you get the long written versions. I have to admit that I dramatically underestimated the time commitment I was pledging to the outrigger canoe team when I first decided to join the race team. Four weekly practices plus a race ¾ weekends every month for the summer is indeed something of an intense schedule.

I do, however, have the time to spare and so far have found the rewards well worth the effort.

Our winning streak continued at Marina Del Rey two weeks ago.

The sky was clear and the sun was shining, but the wind had come as well. Fortunately for the novice folk like myself, the crazy swells didn’t pick up until later. Just like last week, I was in the co-ed novice boat. The other two girls remained with me as well as our steersman, along with two new high caliber gents. We were all excited to get some butt again.

Feeling confident, we got our blood pumping with some warm-up strokes as we paddled out to the start line in the channel. It was crowded, and our steersman, who had learned his lesson last week, took extra precaution as we negotiated our way through the other boats. The heats for the start of the race had been changed up a bit. Normally, 3 horns are blown for the start of the kid’s race, the men and co-ed, then the women. In this race, however, they were concerned about overcrowding and decided to break it down into 12 starts, one for each category. Our co-ed boat was scheduled to be in the 4th heat, right after our men’s boat.

I’m not sure who was or wasn’t paying attention to what, but the bottom line is when our start horn sounded, we were still at least two boat lengths away from the line. Befuddled, we looked around wondering if we had indeed missed it, and fumbled with our paddles until I finally cried, “That was us! GOOOO!!”

Slightly panicked, we began paddling like hamsters on crack. Happily, the pack wasn’t far away, and we were able to catch them quickly. Negotiating our way forward, we found ourselves battling two other boats for the top spot. We nearly got pinched in, but we decided to take the outside route and once we had space to run, we were gone.

The first turn took us out into the open water, where the swells were waiting. The rolling waves were thankfully easy to predict, but it was hard work keeping the boat from rolling over and trying to maintain our solid lead. At the turn around, the second place boat was right on our tail.

As we took off back to the channel, we gained distance once again and were feeling solid as we went into the final long stretch. Then we started getting tired … you could feel the “ho hum” as we pulsed, growing content that no one could catch us. Then we heard it – a boat closing in on our tail. Slightly panicked, we picked up the pace to try and ward them off, but it was no use; they were going to pass us. To our great relief, it was a boat full of men, and no threat to our first place finish.

Whew! Another win for us!  They didn't hand out standard medals for placing at this race, oooh no - instead, they give you beer mugs!  Haha, I like this sport ...

Ventura

After a week off and a grueling couple practices, this past weekend we raced in Ventura. The fog was thick, cold, and heavy. I don’t think the sun woke up with us that day, but I was in for a surprise.

Not only was I not racing with my usual co-ed novice team, I was placed with the open women; the big guns! The rock stars! I didn't feel worthy ... and though I was delighted and flattered deep down, upon hearing the announcement my face drained of all color and my stomach fluttered.

The other open ladies were generous in their encouragement, which I greatly appreciated, and in the my initiation was gentle since the weather was cool, the waves were tame, and the distance was actually shortened from 12 miles to 8 due to the visibility. I did my best, and though we didn’t place, I was proud of myself.  Check out the action shot!

We have another grueling couple weeks of practice ahead of us, and soon we’ll be heading back down to San Diego for the Ironman State Championship. Oodalali!

Office Encounter of the Day

This is why I have so many flats.

Actually, you're just short all the time.

Memorial Day Weekend

This weekend, Eric and Brian battled through LA traffic to stay with us for a highly anticipated visit. What was on the “to do” list, you ask?

Why, Dungeons & Dragons, of course!

Brian has been our impeccable Dungeon Master (DM) for over a year now, and over time the campaign has sucked in our friends Ben and Mike. We don’t get to play very often, so when we do it’s a grand event. I had two grueling paddle practices on Saturday and Sunday morning (during which the sun managed to turn my poor back bright red… oops), so hacking up enemies afterwards was more than welcome.

Our questing was grand – we faced a hearty hobgoblin, a deadly hag, and an enormous mutant pig named Pudding who was on performance enhancing herbs. The Wizard (Chris) tossed bugbears and wolves out open windows like rag dolls, the Barbarian (Ben) hacked at foes with tremendous force and performed an amazing leaping strike from a second story, the Cleric (Mike) was wracked with guilt over abandoning a defenseless princess, the Shaman (Eric) was out of healing faster than we could consume the ginger cookies, and the Warden (me) took one heck of a beating, suffering from blindness, poison, and ultimately conking out in a curtain of darkness.

Monday I had a chance to see Sex and the City 2, which I enjoyed much more than I had anticipated, followed by a quintessential relaxing BBQ on the beach. (Complete with questionable rice crispie treats, which I chose not to taste.)

Tonight is the last day of my Fundamentals for Paralegals course, which is exciting. I think I will continue with the certification program, which means I should be done in about two years. This will not be anywhere near the work Chris has put in to his masters program, which is also in its final week! I’m so proud!